QUIET!!

     Shhh! Listen! You hear that?! What is it? Answers will vary depending on where you are. Right now I hear the humming of the printer, the coffee pot perking, traffic outside, and the sound of my fingers on the keyboard. If you’re lucky enough to still be on the beach listening to the waves during this Spring Break, I envy you. I’ve had a strong urge to listen this morning, especially since I heard that funny noise my car was making. I reached to turn on the radio and the Lord all but smacked my hand down. "No. Listen." OK? Listen to what?
     That got me to thinking about the sounds I’ve heard the past couple days. The sound of the gravel under my tires as I pulled in the driveway with my window rolled down (which I never do). The sound of kids playing in my yard and at the park where we went walking last night. The sound of my husband and son in conversation. The dishwasher, the washing machine. The birds chirping at me through my open windows to wake up in the mornings. (Except this morning, there was the sound of a grinder/wood chipper or something out there, which turned out to be a blessing because I had overslept and that thing kept growling at me instead of politely chirping.) The sound of music playing and the fan blowing as I got ready for work.
     I rode all the way to work this morning without the radio on. I had to constantly fight the urge to push buttons. (Hello, my name is Stacie, and I’m a channel surfer and climate control adjuster.)  I didn’t hear waves crashing or birds chirping or all those wonderful sounds we dream of. I heard my tires humming on the roadway; horns blowing; lawn mowers. The sounds of springtime. The sounds of activity. The sounds of....well....life. Not all the sounds are comforting (like that grinder/wood chipper), but all are necessary. And I realize how truly blessed I am. Healthy kids who can play outside. A family who loves each other. A home with all the workings. A vehicle to drive. A job to go to.
     Sigh....speaking of jobs....guess I should answer that ringing phone. Another blessing? I think so.

Back to Normal?

     Yesterday was two years since Daddy passed away. Where has the time gone? What have I been doing all that time? I know what I was doing. We were coping, dealing with the day-to-day, because we never knew what the day would bring. My husband lost both his parents in nine months of each other (November and August), and my Daddy in the midst of that (March). My daughter moved out in January, and in October her home burned (she was living with family at the time). My sister was seriously injured and lost all she had in the storms last April. I spent the rest of the year just trying to get back to "normal," whatever that is.
     But normal wasn’t the same as it had been before. I found myself stressing over things I hadn’t before, like family gatherings and travel plans. I lost interest in taking care of household chores (which, honestly, wasn’t a big stretch). I was afraid to help in church activities, Vacation Bible School, Harvest Festival, Christmas program, because something would probably come up. But I told myself this past January that I would have to become recommitted this year and rejoin the world around me. So far I’ve started this blog, I signed up to help with Vacation Bible School this summer, I’ve already got reservations for summer vacation and the church trip to Gatlinburg. I helped my daughter move, I am helping plan a baby shower for a co-worker, and I’m looking forward to helping my niece with her wedding.
     Last night I got my sign that maybe I’m "on the road to recovery." Feeling a little down in the dumps, lost and lonely on the anniversary of Daddy’s passing, I went to church. It was the first night of our revival and we had great expectations that something big would happen. We started singing "Amazing Grace" and my 10-year-old son, who had been quite content playing with his toys on the seat beside me, turned and stood by me. On the last "Praise God" verse, he lifted his hand and sang too. I could have shouted right then if God had let me. Instead, he had another surprise.
     We get ready to leave and my son shows me where he has drawn a smiley face on my back windshield (a good coat of March pollen gives children a great drawing board). Under normal circumstances, this would require the child to wash my vehicle. (After all, if he’s got time and energy to draw on it, he should have time and energy to wash it, right?) But as we were driving to school this morning, I noticed that every time I looked in my rearview mirror that smiley face is smiling back at me. I really needed it this morning, so I think I’ll let it ride a while.

Crunch Time

     A sign in a local print shop reads, "A lack of planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part." I think of this every time I’m rushing trying to finish something by a certain time, especially when the rush could have been avoided by better preparing or planning, either by me or someone else.
     When Jesus was attending the wedding of a friend and ended up performing his first "public" miracle (turning the water into wine), I believe he may have had some of these same feelings. Scripture doesn’t really tell us the reason they ran out of wine. Could have been lack of planning on the part of the "caterer." Or it could have been more people showed up than were expected. It could even have been that the guests just drank more than anticipated. Maybe it could have been prevented, maybe not. Either way, Jesus’ response was somewhat along the lines of that sign. "What does that have to do with me? It is not yet my time [to be performing miracles in public]."
     I’ve done this so many times in my life. I seek God’s will, think I have the answer, and charge full speed ahead. Then WHAM! Here I am facing a block wall, with people depending on me and watching to make sure I finish what I’ve started. That’s when I have to go (yet again) and ask the Lord to help me. He always comes through for me (just as the print shop does) and everything works out. But there’s always that reminder, if I had thought things through a little more, or planned things out better, or took more time to prepare, I wouldn’t have been in that situation, that crunch time; but rather, if I had listened a little closer, a little longer, God could have done things in His time, and I could have avoided that much-NOT-needed stress.
     I have actually even become anxious about starting this blog. I started it as an outlet for all the thoughts running through my head, thinking that maybe putting them down on "paper" would help me sort them out and understand them a little better. They were so meaningful to me I thought surely God must want somebody to "hear" them besides me, right? I’m not much for speaking in front of groups, but have been told I have a knack for writing, so why not a blog! Makes sense to me. I posted a couple of times, and the feedback was so encouraging, I thought "Wow! Maybe I’m on to something here." But I have been stuck since last Friday about what to write next. So many thoughts rambling through my mind, but nothing stays put long enough for me to finish it. I began thinking I may be in over my head here. But then again, maybe I just need to sit still long enough for God to get finished talking.

Read It, Don't Sing It

     "When I look around and see the good things he does for me, I know I’m unworthy of them all. But His blessings he freely gives. I owe my life to Him. I’ve got so much to thank Him for.
     And sometimes, while on this way, I kneel. I stop and say, "Thank you for all you’ve done for me." One day I’ll reach sweet Heaven’s shore. Oh please, just let me kneel once more. I’ve got so much to thank Him for.
     I’ve got so much to thank Him for. So much to praise Him for. You see, He’s been so good to me. And when I think of what He’s done and where He brought me from, I’ve got so much to thank Him for."

I've tried to find out who wrote this song, but haven't come up with an answer.  But Thank You to the writer, and to God for giving him/her the words.

My Basket of Leftovers

     God very seldom works on my time schedule. But I know He has a plan for my life, just as he has for you and everyone else, and He will proceed at His own pace and not any quicker. This became very clear to me as I prepared to give devotion at a Ladies Retreat a couple months ago. I’d had about six months to prepare and here I was a month (or less) before I was due to speak and I had no idea what to talk about, so I was looking for inspiration everywhere! I found it in a comment thrown into a sermon by one of our preachers one Sunday.
     Matthew 14:13-21 tells the story of Jesus feeding 5,000 men (plus women and children) with 5 loaves of bread and 3 fishes. (It’s an amazing story so if you haven’t heard or read it, take time to do it now.) In my mind this story starts with a little boy following Jesus from place to place, seeing miracles performed, hearing great sermons on the mountain, and so forth. This little boy carries in his bag a lunch of bread and fish. During this time, I’m sure the little boy nibbles on the bread (I have two growing boys myself and I know how they can eat). Then Jesus calls for the food so that He can give something to eat to "the multitudes" there with Him. Jesus takes the food, blesses it, then breaks it and gives it to His disciples to distribute to the people.
     I feel a lot like that loaf of bread. I was nice and comfortable in knowing my purpose and being able to use my talents occasionally to move toward that purpose, much like the bread knew its job was to feed the boy and the nibbles the boy took helped to confirm that. Then one day Jesus called me to do something big, maybe not feed 5,000 people, but significant nonetheless. Just like that loaf of bread, Jesus took me in His hands and said a blessing over me. Now remember this is Jesus saying the blessing, this is not a "God is great, God is good" kind of blessing, but Jesus Himself! I could feel myself being warmed and comforted by His hands, those nibbles being filled in so that I was whole again. And then what did He do with the bread?
He broke it. There was no way the bread could feed the 5,000 without it first being pulled to pieces. Then it was passed through the crowd, one group at a time (one place says they were seated in groups of 50, so for 5,000 people that would be about 100 groups). As it was being passed among the first group, it probably wondered, "What?! Why is this happening?" And as it passed through another, "How am I going to get through this?" But each time, between groups, the bread was renewed, multiplied, and restored to make it through the next group. Not unlike a lot of the trials we go through in our walk with the Lord, striving to reach our ultimate purpose.
     And in the end, when everybody had been filled and the bread had gone through all its trials (I mean groups), was it all gone? I would think there would be just enough to fulfill the present need. But no, there were 12 baskets left over! Just when you think you’ve gone through all you can go through and you have nothing left, take a look at your leftovers! Chances are they are more than what you started with. My one basket of leftovers is pretty full!

Where Will You Be Tomorrow?

     Daddy got out of the hospital the last time on January 28, 2010. He died a couple months later on March 21. During that time, I had a chance to go to church with him. I don’t remember a lot about the service, but I do remember receiving such a blessing! I got to see my Daddy raise his hands and praise the Lord. We were singing Amazing Grace. That’s a sight I will never forget. I was only a few inches from his face when he took his last breath. I know the Lord came and got him because there was a peace like I had never felt before. His cancer was gone.
     Fast forward a year to a Friday night in April, 2011. Me and my sister went to dinner then to the ‘Arise’ Christian rock concert in Albertville. We don’t get together like that very often, and it was such a great blessing! At the concert, of course the music was loud and there weren’t a lot of chances to talk. But when I looked over and saw my sister standing, hands raised, praising the Lord, I got chills. Again, a sight I will never forget. Five days later, on April 27, a tornado tore through her neighborhood, lifted her apartment duplex, threw her around and left her for dead. But God had his hand on her, because she survived and lives to tell about it today.
     A few months later, I stood with my husband beside his mother in the emergency room as she screamed in pain, cancer spread throughout her body. She was rebuking the devil, forbidding him to come into her room. She was begging the Lord to forgive her of whatever wrong she had done to have to endure such pain, because she loved Him so much and wanted everything to be right between them. A few days later, she received her ultimate healing, but her words I will never forget.
     I heard a preacher make a comment last night that gave me a very vivid mental image. When we get to Heaven, we will "know as we are known." I will know friends and family as I knew them here. But we won’t be standing around chit-chatting or catching up on the latest gossip. The only thing we will be doing is praising God! The memories I have of seeing my Daddy, my sister, and my daughter a few times, giving praise here on earth will be nothing compared to what I will see up there!
     I have witnessed first hand the last couple of years that we are not promised tomorrow. When I woke up on March 21 or August 9, I did not know that would be the last time I saw my Daddy or Mawmaw Audie. On April 27, I did not know I would be "finding" my sister and bringing her home in such a bruised and battered condition. As the song says, "Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand!" AMEN!

Update - We're Not Insane!

     I pulled in the driveway from church last night hoping to see the garbage container at the road. It wasn’t. I asked Josh to pull it down there. His response was, "Oh yeah, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing." Obviously there had been some discussion about taking out the trash, he’d just forgotten. Likely story, but at least we didn’t miss pickup today.
     Fast forward to this morning, in the shower, what do I find? An empty shampoo bottle! Grrr! But I guess that one’s my fault. I knew it was low yesterday and I didn’t replace it. Then I was in such a hurry to get a jump on my day today (ha!) that I didn’t take time to do it before I got in. I managed to get enough to use, and promptly replaced the bottle when I got out.
     I said all that to say this...I guess as a Mom it’s my job to help my family realize the signs that a certain chore needs to be done, where to find the resources to carry out such chore, and the process to complete it. The many times I’ve been to Emily’s house I’ve never seen an empty toilet paper roll or the garbage stacked sky high; and the one time I took a shower there, I had plenty of shampoo. I guess I can do that for a while longer now that I know we’re not insane. We’re just still learning.

(WOW! Now put on your spiritual glasses and read this again. It’s kinda like 3-D, it gives you a whole new depth and perspective!)

Insanity and the Bottomless Shampoo Bottle

     We seem to have a bottomless shampoo bottle at my house. And a never-ending toilet paper roll. Not to mention the little creature that mysteriously eats all the garbage out of the can so that it’s miraculously empty. As the only female in a house with three males, it seems I’m the only one who knows the secret behind these strange phenomenon. But one day I wanted to see if they could figure it out, like they secretly knew but didn’t want to tell anyone. I decided to leave the shampoo bottle and wait for someone else to replace it. After a couple days I happen to be in the bathroom while my youngest was in the tub and I noticed him shaking the bottle and squeezing it, only to have his hand filled with air. I asked him, "How long are y’all gonna try to get something out of that empty bottle before you get the new one?" Poof - the light bulb came on, but I wasn’t ready to see the light. I still had a few things to complain about.
     Later that week, I tried leaving the garbage to see if anybody noticed the full can and emptied it. I got home from work and asked, "Is our challenge today to see how high we can stack the garbage?" Needless to say I ended up taking out the trash. But let’s see if they remember tomorrow is garbage pickup day and the big container needs to be pulled to the road. Nope. Am I the only one who is able to do that? Obviously so, because the container still sits full at the back door.
     Ok, maybe I’ve learned my spiritual lesson in all this. I think Albert Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. How long am I going to keep squeezing the empty shampoo bottle or piling up the trash? I am not going to lose weight if I keep eating the same food in the same amounts. I’m not going to feel better if I keep sitting on the couch instead of going for a walk after supper. Things are not going to change unless I take a step in the direction I want to go. Jonah spent three days inside a fish until he cried out to God and was spit out on dry land. For the fish to have spit him on dry land, they had to be pretty close to the shore to begin with. Can you picture the fish swimming just a few feet off shore waiting for Jonah to cry out? Do we walk around that close - just a few feet - to being in God’s will for our life?
     Tomorrow is garbage pickup day again. I don’t plan to miss this one. And I’ll probably keep replacing the empty shampoo bottle and toiler paper roll. But I can’t do that forever. Eventually they will have to find the new bottle on their own.  Hopefully insanity doesn't run in our family.

Do I Have To?

     "Would you please take out the trash?"  "You have some clothes to put up."  "Make sure all your dirty dishes and dirty clothes are out so they can be washed."  They sound like simple requests, but they always produce the same response - a sigh, rolling of the eyes, and "In a minute," or "Do I have to?"  Really?!  I wash your clothes, cook your meals, make sure you have everything you need!  I ask one simple thing of you and this is the response I get?!  Yes you have to do it!  And do it now!  If I wanted it done later, I would have asked you later!  If you have children, you know what I'm talking about.
     How is it that I am so bothered by this behavior when I'm on the receiving end of it, yet I do it repeatedly to my Heavenly Father?  I realized this during our "Jamboree Revival" last week.  The Lord would tell me to do something, usually small, like wave a hand, stand during a song, or just say "I love the Lord."  But did I do it right away?  Of course not.  I questioned the timing, or even the action itself, and tried to rationalize the best way to proceed with carrying out said task.  But during the time it took me to do all that, God would move on and someone else would do the very thing I was told to do.  Thus, I gave up several blessings to those who were more obedient.  "Do I have to?"  "Yes!  And do it now!"
     I know the rewards my children receive when they do the things asked of them.  I will sometimes pick up their clothes off the bathroom floor, or take their clean clothes to their room for them to put away.  I have experienced those rewards from my own obedience.  Knowing the blessings I will receive when I obey the Lord, why don't I do it every time?  He does everything for me and gives me everything I need, and He only asks these small things of me.  I guess I will understand the answer at the same time I understand the thoughts of my children.  Until that time comes, I will try to make a conscious effort to recognize those times and just do what I'm told when I'm told.  Things always turn out better that way.