As a mom, it’s never easy to watch my children struggle to make decisions that I can’t (or at least shouldn’t) make for them. I can offer my two cents worth, suggest possible solutions. But in the end, I can’t force them to choose the way I think is best. With one grown daughter and a 17-year-old on the verge of manhood, I have learned this lesson many times over. That doesn’t make it any easier, especially when it’s my "baby."
Some background. This is my 11-year-old son's second year in band. They are learning more difficult music and techniques, preparing them for marching band next year. A couple of weeks ago, the boys were running a little behind schedule and he asked if I would take his instrument by the bandroom since he wouldn’t have time. I did. The instructor asked me how much Dylan was practicing at home. "Honestly, not that much." He said, "It shows." He was starting to fall behind. I told the instructor I would push him to practice more.
Last week, he came to me asking if I thought he should quit band. My first thought was that somebody had made fun of him or said something bad about him. My feathers got a little ruffled. Of course when I asked him why he was thinking about quitting, all I got was shrugged shoulders and "I dunno." I really didn’t get much more information as we discussed it further, other than, "It’s too hard."
I told him he should bring his instrument home more and practice - he said his teacher didn’t let the band students leave class early enough for him to have time to go all the way to the bandroom and make it back to ride home with his brother.
I told him to just keep his instrument in his locker - he said he didn’t like to leave it in his locker because then he would have to carry some of the things that didn’t fit, and it would require him to have to go to his locker after last period before heading to the parking lot, and he didn’t want to do that.
I suggested that he talk to his sister about going to her house after school a couple days a week to practice. She was in band for several years, played the same instrument, and might be able to help him in some problem areas. But he didn’t know about that either.
I finally just had to say that if he wanted to be in the band, he would have to practice more, and he would just have to find a way to make it work. If he didn’t think he wanted it bad enough to put a little effort into it, maybe be a little inconvenienced at times, then that would be his cue to lay it down. That I could not make a decision based on details and feelings that only he knew and didn’t want to share. I did, however, tell him he would have to finish out the semester in that class either way.
I left the conversation more frustrated than angry. Frustrated that my son would only make excuses when plain, simple solutions were offered him. Frustrated that he wouldn’t just tell me what he wanted to do so I could maybe shed some light on his dilemma, and support him in whatever decision he made.
That brings us to the present situation. This morning as the boys were leaving for school, Dylan got his backpack and his binder and was heading out the door. I asked him did he not need to take his instrument. He said he wouldn’t have time to take it to the bandroom before school started. I looked at the clock and thought he should have plenty of time, but he was in a hurry and I didn’t argue. I figured I would just take it by the bandroom for him. Then I thought about it again. He made the decision to walk out and leave his instrument, knowing he would need it for class, and possibly running the risk of being in trouble with the instructor. He knew all this, and he left it anyway. Probably thinking, as I was, that I would take it for him. But I didn’t. I feel like he is old enough to handle some of the consequences of his decisions. Was I wrong? I feel so bad! Should I have bailed him out? I guess we’ll see.
Does God have this kind of parenting trouble? Dealing with me, of course he does. When I have a problem and ask vague questions, do a lot of shoulder shrugging, and sighing "I just don’t know," instead of just pouring my heart out to Him with all I’m feeling and thinking. And when He offers help and makes a way for me to clearly see the right path, I only come up with excuses of why I can’t walk it. It's that darn free will! He has given us instructions through His Word, but it’s up to us to decide whether or not to apply it to our lives and follow it.
God is always there for us (as I will be for my children any time they ask), even if "being there" means letting us fall flat on our face. As I have found the hard way, He sometimes lets us suffer the consequences of our bad decisions. I can tell my children everything I've learned through my mistakes, as my parents tried to tell me, but it never sinks in until you experience it yourself. Sometimes experience is the best teacher.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I Submit! I Submit!
Well, I’m back! Not that I’ve really been anywhere. It’s just been a very busy past few weeks. Now I’m ready to get back to a routine and maybe carve out some extra writing time.
And, believe me, it’s none too soon! I’ve been feeling the Lord calling me to get my creative juices flowing again. I just wasn’t sure in what area exactly he wanted me to go. I love to write, but sometimes it’s hard to find the rights words to put the inspiration on paper. It also requires quiet time with just me and the Lord, with pen in hand. Around here, that’s not easy to find. I also dabble in cross-stitch, I like to take pictures, and I am attempting to learn to play the piano. Did I need to get back to that project I started so long ago? Did I need to push myself to learn to play a new song? Did I need to get my family together and do some family photos? Or maybe I needed to start on my thorough housecleaning again. (Neh, but I did find a nice housekeeping schedule I think I’m gonna try.)
I think I’ll just stick with what I enjoy most - sharing with you when God reveals things to me. This past weekend I have gotten so many messages, and I will share those in time. Lately, though, I have been reading a lot of Bible devotions, stories in scripture, and blogs by some wonderfully encouraging women. And I have been blessed to hear some awesome Spirit-filled messages through different preachers.
Today, as I was cleaning out my purse, I was led to go back through some notes I had taken during our summer revival. The evangelist kept asking, "Did you surrender? Or did you submit?" My first thought was that both words meant the same thing, so obviously I was missing his deeper meaning. I looked them up at dictionary.com. They both were defined as "giving oneself up to the power or authority of another." But ‘surrender’ added the words "on demand or under duress." Related words for ‘surrender’ were to give up. Synonyms for ‘submit’ were comply, bow, obey, agree.
Now my brain starts turning this over, and I apply this to my meager understanding of the two words. When I think of the word ‘surrender,’ I think of one army surrendering to another army. They do not do this willingly. The weaker army is forced into a position where they have no choice but to go with the overpowering side. In their mind, this is a temporary situation. They are doing what is necessary for the time, but already they are thinking of ways to escape. As prisoners of war, their ultimate goal is to be set free.
Moving on to ‘submit.’ That was a little harder to apply to everyday life. As a wife, I am to submit to my husband. That is not in a way of "doing what I’m told." It’s more of a way of allowing him to be the head of the home as God intended, and supporting him in that capacity. (I must admit I struggle with this one.) For those of you not experienced in the married life, let me put it another way. When you fill out an application for a job, you submit it to the employer. Or when you enter a craft or essay, etc. in a contest, you submit your entry for the judges to review. Once you hand it over to them, it’s out of your hands. Their decision is final, and you must accept it and agree with it.
So, in that sense, I guess I can see where the evangelist was coming from. If I simply surrender to what God wants me to do, I am in a temporary position, looking for ways to get out of it, and just waiting for time to pass. But, if I submit to His will for my life, it is out of my control. I must accept the calling, agree with it, and do my best to fulfill that obligation. Not just for a time...but for all time. Or at least until He tells me to do something else.
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord..." 1 Colossians 3:23
And, believe me, it’s none too soon! I’ve been feeling the Lord calling me to get my creative juices flowing again. I just wasn’t sure in what area exactly he wanted me to go. I love to write, but sometimes it’s hard to find the rights words to put the inspiration on paper. It also requires quiet time with just me and the Lord, with pen in hand. Around here, that’s not easy to find. I also dabble in cross-stitch, I like to take pictures, and I am attempting to learn to play the piano. Did I need to get back to that project I started so long ago? Did I need to push myself to learn to play a new song? Did I need to get my family together and do some family photos? Or maybe I needed to start on my thorough housecleaning again. (Neh, but I did find a nice housekeeping schedule I think I’m gonna try.)
I think I’ll just stick with what I enjoy most - sharing with you when God reveals things to me. This past weekend I have gotten so many messages, and I will share those in time. Lately, though, I have been reading a lot of Bible devotions, stories in scripture, and blogs by some wonderfully encouraging women. And I have been blessed to hear some awesome Spirit-filled messages through different preachers.
Today, as I was cleaning out my purse, I was led to go back through some notes I had taken during our summer revival. The evangelist kept asking, "Did you surrender? Or did you submit?" My first thought was that both words meant the same thing, so obviously I was missing his deeper meaning. I looked them up at dictionary.com. They both were defined as "giving oneself up to the power or authority of another." But ‘surrender’ added the words "on demand or under duress." Related words for ‘surrender’ were to give up. Synonyms for ‘submit’ were comply, bow, obey, agree.
Now my brain starts turning this over, and I apply this to my meager understanding of the two words. When I think of the word ‘surrender,’ I think of one army surrendering to another army. They do not do this willingly. The weaker army is forced into a position where they have no choice but to go with the overpowering side. In their mind, this is a temporary situation. They are doing what is necessary for the time, but already they are thinking of ways to escape. As prisoners of war, their ultimate goal is to be set free.
Moving on to ‘submit.’ That was a little harder to apply to everyday life. As a wife, I am to submit to my husband. That is not in a way of "doing what I’m told." It’s more of a way of allowing him to be the head of the home as God intended, and supporting him in that capacity. (I must admit I struggle with this one.) For those of you not experienced in the married life, let me put it another way. When you fill out an application for a job, you submit it to the employer. Or when you enter a craft or essay, etc. in a contest, you submit your entry for the judges to review. Once you hand it over to them, it’s out of your hands. Their decision is final, and you must accept it and agree with it.
So, in that sense, I guess I can see where the evangelist was coming from. If I simply surrender to what God wants me to do, I am in a temporary position, looking for ways to get out of it, and just waiting for time to pass. But, if I submit to His will for my life, it is out of my control. I must accept the calling, agree with it, and do my best to fulfill that obligation. Not just for a time...but for all time. Or at least until He tells me to do something else.
"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord..." 1 Colossians 3:23
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Grocery Shopping With Jesus
I met God today. He was at the grocery store. Ok, so I can’t tell you what He looks like or anything, but I think we buy a lot of the same items. Much the same way you see the same people on every aisle - you’re going one way, they’re going the other, and by the time you’re finished shopping you feel like you’ve made a friend even though you’ve probably not said a word to each other - that’s the way I saw Him. He was on almost every aisle.
You see, this is the week the big bills are due, which leaves very little money for anything else. I had prayed earlier in the week, and I had my list made. So I head to the store with $100 to buy groceries and put some gas in my car. It occurred to me (by way of the Holy Spirit) that I should buy groceries first, just what was on my list, and put what was left in gas. My goal was to split it $70/$30.
His first appearance was in the pharmacy department. There was some over-the-counter medicine I needed. As is becoming more frequent, they were out of my usual generic brand - or so I thought. I knew I couldn’t afford the name brand, and I really didn’t want a smaller box for about the same price. A silent, "Please let there be one somewhere," and what do you think I saw?! On my tiptoes I could see one box on the very top shelf waaaaay in the back, laying on its side almost out of sight. "Thank you Jesus!" and a happy dance. (Hey, it’s Walmart, you can’t get embarrassed there.)
I make my way through my usual route, picking up my usual items. No surprises there. Then I get to the chip aisle. It was practically wiped out since it was the opening weekend of SEC football (Roll Tide). I had to look closely and make my decision carefully. I finally chose two bags, but for a slightly higher price than I had anticipated (8¢ per bag more). I was wondering how that would affect the rest of my shopping since I was on such a tight limit. What if all the other aisles were the same way?!
But I needn’t have worried. I would meet God again around the corner. I chuckled to myself. The price for the sugar I needed had actually dropped 10¢! I laughed out loud when the cooking oil, which normally costs well over $3.00, had dropped to $2.98! By the time I made it to cross the aisle to the Lunchables, I was practically in tears. They were still on sale!! Three weeks in a row - it was a miracle!!
There are other instances as I finished my shopping. A few cents here and there. I gave a "woohoo" every time, and by the time I was at the produce - I honestly have no idea how much the potatoes cost me. My grand total - $66.02. Not counting the two pennies, I was $4 under my goal ($70 for groceries, $30 for gas), and I had gotten everything on my list.
I guess God needed gas too, because He showed up at the pumps at the same time as me. I was considering only putting in the $30 and keeping the extra $4, just in case I needed something next week. Being the gentleman He is, He politely said, "No. You agreed to put whatever was left in gas. I gave you a list of everything you will need, and you’ve got those things. Trust me." I’m sure the clerk never had anybody pay for $34 in gas on pump #3, but today is special.
I have a peace as I drive home and put away my groceries. I don’t know if anybody else got sugar for $2.98 or Lunchables for $1. I’m not even going to look at my receipt to see if the cashier made a mistake. I have my own private stockboy with His own special price gun. And I can trust that He will always give me the right price.
You see, this is the week the big bills are due, which leaves very little money for anything else. I had prayed earlier in the week, and I had my list made. So I head to the store with $100 to buy groceries and put some gas in my car. It occurred to me (by way of the Holy Spirit) that I should buy groceries first, just what was on my list, and put what was left in gas. My goal was to split it $70/$30.
His first appearance was in the pharmacy department. There was some over-the-counter medicine I needed. As is becoming more frequent, they were out of my usual generic brand - or so I thought. I knew I couldn’t afford the name brand, and I really didn’t want a smaller box for about the same price. A silent, "Please let there be one somewhere," and what do you think I saw?! On my tiptoes I could see one box on the very top shelf waaaaay in the back, laying on its side almost out of sight. "Thank you Jesus!" and a happy dance. (Hey, it’s Walmart, you can’t get embarrassed there.)
I make my way through my usual route, picking up my usual items. No surprises there. Then I get to the chip aisle. It was practically wiped out since it was the opening weekend of SEC football (Roll Tide). I had to look closely and make my decision carefully. I finally chose two bags, but for a slightly higher price than I had anticipated (8¢ per bag more). I was wondering how that would affect the rest of my shopping since I was on such a tight limit. What if all the other aisles were the same way?!
But I needn’t have worried. I would meet God again around the corner. I chuckled to myself. The price for the sugar I needed had actually dropped 10¢! I laughed out loud when the cooking oil, which normally costs well over $3.00, had dropped to $2.98! By the time I made it to cross the aisle to the Lunchables, I was practically in tears. They were still on sale!! Three weeks in a row - it was a miracle!!
There are other instances as I finished my shopping. A few cents here and there. I gave a "woohoo" every time, and by the time I was at the produce - I honestly have no idea how much the potatoes cost me. My grand total - $66.02. Not counting the two pennies, I was $4 under my goal ($70 for groceries, $30 for gas), and I had gotten everything on my list.
I guess God needed gas too, because He showed up at the pumps at the same time as me. I was considering only putting in the $30 and keeping the extra $4, just in case I needed something next week. Being the gentleman He is, He politely said, "No. You agreed to put whatever was left in gas. I gave you a list of everything you will need, and you’ve got those things. Trust me." I’m sure the clerk never had anybody pay for $34 in gas on pump #3, but today is special.
I have a peace as I drive home and put away my groceries. I don’t know if anybody else got sugar for $2.98 or Lunchables for $1. I’m not even going to look at my receipt to see if the cashier made a mistake. I have my own private stockboy with His own special price gun. And I can trust that He will always give me the right price.
Monday, August 27, 2012
God's Facebook Page
"What’s on your mind?" That’s what appears at the top of the screen when I open my facebook page. Sometimes that’s a very good question. We all want our update status to sound clever or funny or insightful. The one that has the most comments and likes, or maybe even the occasional share. To be what everybody’s talking about. "Hey, did you read so-n-so’s facebook? Was that not just amazing?" or, "Did you see what son-n-so is doing today? That sounds like fun." or even, "Can you believe what so-n-so’s kid said to her?!" The prayer requests, the birthday wishes, the photo captions. It can all be good if used properly.
As parents, most of our posts probably revolve around our children. Something funny they’ve said or some goal they’ve achieved. And we try not to embarrass them because we know when we "tag" them their friends will see it too. But what about when the roles are reversed, and the parent becomes the subject of the teen’s update status? Not usually a good thing. As was the case with my son last night.
We all have bad habits or get ourselves into situations sometimes that could be very embarrassing if they were made public. Without going into any detail, I’ll simply say that my son came into the living room and said, "What if I took a picture of this and put it on facebook, just to see what comments we’d get." My eyes flew wide and I calmly told him no. When he proceeded to take his phone out of his pocket, my brow deepened and my reply was more of a threatening growled "no." Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t anything major, but it wasn’t something I wanted posted for the world to see either. He just laughed and said, "That would be embarrassing wouldn’t it?!" Ya think!
He put his phone back in his pocket and walked away laughing. But it left me thinking, what if God had a facebook?! As our father, would His posts be mostly about us, His children? Would He have anything good to tell? How do you think He would fill in the blanks:
After I calmed down, I realized my son’s phone doesn’t have the capability to post pictures directly to facebook, so I probably could have called his bluff and gotten away with it. But I wouldn’t want to take that chance. Some things are private for a reason. And the friend that matters most has more than just a facebook view of my life. Yikes!
As parents, most of our posts probably revolve around our children. Something funny they’ve said or some goal they’ve achieved. And we try not to embarrass them because we know when we "tag" them their friends will see it too. But what about when the roles are reversed, and the parent becomes the subject of the teen’s update status? Not usually a good thing. As was the case with my son last night.
We all have bad habits or get ourselves into situations sometimes that could be very embarrassing if they were made public. Without going into any detail, I’ll simply say that my son came into the living room and said, "What if I took a picture of this and put it on facebook, just to see what comments we’d get." My eyes flew wide and I calmly told him no. When he proceeded to take his phone out of his pocket, my brow deepened and my reply was more of a threatening growled "no." Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t anything major, but it wasn’t something I wanted posted for the world to see either. He just laughed and said, "That would be embarrassing wouldn’t it?!" Ya think!
He put his phone back in his pocket and walked away laughing. But it left me thinking, what if God had a facebook?! As our father, would His posts be mostly about us, His children? Would He have anything good to tell? How do you think He would fill in the blanks:
- "Movie night! We’re watching ________."
- "Riding down the road with my daughter, singing _________ at the top of our lungs!"
- "Quiet evening at home with my son watching ______ on tv."
- "Sunday morning church with my family. This afternoon I think we will _______."
- "Tucking my babies into bed tonight. Read them _______ before they fell asleep."
- "My daughter just told me the best story - ________."
After I calmed down, I realized my son’s phone doesn’t have the capability to post pictures directly to facebook, so I probably could have called his bluff and gotten away with it. But I wouldn’t want to take that chance. Some things are private for a reason. And the friend that matters most has more than just a facebook view of my life. Yikes!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Growing Pains
It’s that time of year again. Back to school. And with that comes new school clothes. That’s usually the time when I can really tell how much my kids have grown over the past year, by how short their jeans are, at least the ones that weren't cut off and made into shorts for the summer. Jeans and shoes can get pretty expensive! Thankfully Emily is buying her own clothes now, and Josh has at least leveled off on his height, hopefully, for a while.
This year, though, it seems like everybody is needing something new. Although Josh doesn’t seem to have gotten any taller, his waste size is smaller. His jeans from last year are way too big, plus he’s worked in them all summer. Jeans, shoes and socks for him. Dylan has hit the age when a lot of boys take a big growing spell. His jeans from last year...well let’s just say we haven’t had quite that much rain; and he has finally put on a little weight in his upper body, so his shirts are looking too small. His shoes still fit, but they are wore slap out. Looks like a little bit of everything for him. And Alan - do I dare go there? (I’ll tread lightly.) Since he quit smoking a few months ago (applause), he has put on a few pounds. While he usually gets all new clothes for Christmas, I believe he may need some before then when the first cold weather hits. As for me, the scales have been kind, nothing gained, but nothing lost either. My clothes, however, tell a different story. While the whole may weigh the same, the pieces have shifted slightly, but not enough that would warrant spending a lot of money to replace perfectly good clothes. (But we’ll see.)
The Lord showed me something this week about how I could relate all this to our spiritual lives. We all live in the same house, and we basically have the same needs, but all for different reasons. Let me see if I can explain.
Josh is needing a smaller waste size. In order to lose weight, you have to burn more calories than you take in. In the spiritual world, that could be accomplished one of two ways. One, you give more than you take. Two, you just don’t "eat" enough to begin with. According to my grocery bill, nobody in our family is going hungry, so I attribute Josh’s change to the fact that he is maturing into a fine young man, willing to work at every opportunity and willing to help anybody he can. While his outside may not appear to be as much, the inside is filling in and growing stronger.
Dylan has started growing just all over (physically and spiritually). I remember when Josh was about his age, the clothes we bought when school started were too small by Christmastime, and he needed all new clothes again. I have a feeling that will be the case with Dylan this year. He was saved at Bible Camp a few weeks ago (again, applause) and now seems more willing to learn, and more able to understand, when valuable lessons can be taught. He is taking a lot in, as he should at this age. He gives what he can, but it will take a little more growing before he is able to give it all back.
Again treading lightly, I approach the subject of my husband. Weight gain is a sure sign of taking in more than you use. I’m sure with all that’s gone on over the last few years, his soul has been changed. He has taken a lot in, and it’s starting to show. I have faith and know that we will eventually see the results of that inward transformation.
Now we come to the dreaded personal observations. I am sad to say that my attempts to lose weight and exercise have not accomplished what I had hoped. However there have been some results. I may not have dropped any sizes, but the size I wear now fits differently. I guess that would mean I have given out as much as I’ve taken in, equally. And I feel like I’ve taken in a lot! I have heard the Word preached in ways I’ve never heard, seen the Spirit move in ways I’ve never seen, and felt things I’ve never felt. I have more of a desire to not only listen to inspirational teachings, but to share them. When I have a revelation that helps me, I feel like I should pass it on to the next person so maybe it can help them too. But, while all that is fine in itself, at some point I would like to be able to share some of my own personal experiences more, and hopefully start the inspiration chain.
Over the past 22 years, my husband and I have changed quite a bit. We have both put on a few pounds, and we are seeing more gray hairs every day. We are the parents now of three individuals. We have marveled at their growth and accomplishments. We have nursed them through scrapes, sprains, broken bones and broken hearts. Life is constantly changing, and we are always evolving. My prayer is that we lean on God, listen to what He has to say, go where He leads, and learn through our growing pains.
This year, though, it seems like everybody is needing something new. Although Josh doesn’t seem to have gotten any taller, his waste size is smaller. His jeans from last year are way too big, plus he’s worked in them all summer. Jeans, shoes and socks for him. Dylan has hit the age when a lot of boys take a big growing spell. His jeans from last year...well let’s just say we haven’t had quite that much rain; and he has finally put on a little weight in his upper body, so his shirts are looking too small. His shoes still fit, but they are wore slap out. Looks like a little bit of everything for him. And Alan - do I dare go there? (I’ll tread lightly.) Since he quit smoking a few months ago (applause), he has put on a few pounds. While he usually gets all new clothes for Christmas, I believe he may need some before then when the first cold weather hits. As for me, the scales have been kind, nothing gained, but nothing lost either. My clothes, however, tell a different story. While the whole may weigh the same, the pieces have shifted slightly, but not enough that would warrant spending a lot of money to replace perfectly good clothes. (But we’ll see.)
The Lord showed me something this week about how I could relate all this to our spiritual lives. We all live in the same house, and we basically have the same needs, but all for different reasons. Let me see if I can explain.
Josh is needing a smaller waste size. In order to lose weight, you have to burn more calories than you take in. In the spiritual world, that could be accomplished one of two ways. One, you give more than you take. Two, you just don’t "eat" enough to begin with. According to my grocery bill, nobody in our family is going hungry, so I attribute Josh’s change to the fact that he is maturing into a fine young man, willing to work at every opportunity and willing to help anybody he can. While his outside may not appear to be as much, the inside is filling in and growing stronger.
Dylan has started growing just all over (physically and spiritually). I remember when Josh was about his age, the clothes we bought when school started were too small by Christmastime, and he needed all new clothes again. I have a feeling that will be the case with Dylan this year. He was saved at Bible Camp a few weeks ago (again, applause) and now seems more willing to learn, and more able to understand, when valuable lessons can be taught. He is taking a lot in, as he should at this age. He gives what he can, but it will take a little more growing before he is able to give it all back.
Again treading lightly, I approach the subject of my husband. Weight gain is a sure sign of taking in more than you use. I’m sure with all that’s gone on over the last few years, his soul has been changed. He has taken a lot in, and it’s starting to show. I have faith and know that we will eventually see the results of that inward transformation.
Now we come to the dreaded personal observations. I am sad to say that my attempts to lose weight and exercise have not accomplished what I had hoped. However there have been some results. I may not have dropped any sizes, but the size I wear now fits differently. I guess that would mean I have given out as much as I’ve taken in, equally. And I feel like I’ve taken in a lot! I have heard the Word preached in ways I’ve never heard, seen the Spirit move in ways I’ve never seen, and felt things I’ve never felt. I have more of a desire to not only listen to inspirational teachings, but to share them. When I have a revelation that helps me, I feel like I should pass it on to the next person so maybe it can help them too. But, while all that is fine in itself, at some point I would like to be able to share some of my own personal experiences more, and hopefully start the inspiration chain.
Over the past 22 years, my husband and I have changed quite a bit. We have both put on a few pounds, and we are seeing more gray hairs every day. We are the parents now of three individuals. We have marveled at their growth and accomplishments. We have nursed them through scrapes, sprains, broken bones and broken hearts. Life is constantly changing, and we are always evolving. My prayer is that we lean on God, listen to what He has to say, go where He leads, and learn through our growing pains.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
HELP!
How do they do it? Those women with the clean houses and orderly kids (or vice versa), work a job, make it to all family events, visit with friends, have breakfast with God, lunch with the girls and dinner out with the hubby. I don’t understand. They have the same 24 hours a day I do, and I have almost none of that.
The inspirational "help" books I’ve read say to get up earlier and spend time with God first. My spiritual side knows that if I do this, God will bless me and make it all work out. My flesh tells me if I get up any earlier I might as well not go to bed. And if I do try it, I will be so sleepy I will either doze off and end up being late, or I won’t be awake enough for it to do any good. The typical battle of flesh v. spirit.
Other so-called "help" books say to stay up and do it after putting the kids to bed. That would be great if my kids went to bed at 7:30! I get home from work 5:30 to 6:00, have supper done around 6:45, eat, clean up the kitchen, help with homework (during school months), wash/dry/fold/put up laundry, straighten up the main areas of the house, run to the store if we need milk before morning, and so on. My goal is to have the kids in the bed at 9:30, who knows what time they actually go to sleep. And, for you adult readers, I’m married (‘nuff said?). I’m always up way past the kids going to bed, which makes getting up earlier that much harder.
Just getting up, getting ready and making it out the door on time is a great accomplishment. The (first) alarm goes off at 5:00, the second at 5:30. On a good day, I get up then. If not, I’m at least up by 6. And it takes me an hour and a half to get ready - shower, coffee, makeup, hair, in that order. During school, throw in getting kids up and fed and out the door on time for school. Usually I leave home at 7:30, or 7:45 at the latest, to be at work at 8:00. Why on earth does it take so long? I’ve wondered that myself. I’ve tried to cut corners, find quicker ways of doing things, even skipping a step. All it does is leave me fidgety because I’m out of my routine. It ends up taking me longer to do less, plus leaves me feeling "undone" for the rest of the day. I’ve found a process that works, and I’m sticking to it. No apologies.
Setting aside a special day to take care of the big jobs, like cleaning, sounds like a good plan. I took a Saturday morning recently and did a quick (but good) dust, vacuum, sweep, clean bathrooms, get down cobwebs. Things looked good and I felt accomplished. That night - I see a cobweb hanging from the tv to the wall. Are you kidding me?!!! Why do I bother?!!! I know that was not there when I cleaned earlier because I got every possible and impossible place they could be. I got rid of that one and looked for any more I may have missed (or that had sprung up since that morning). I found several. So much for a leisurely Saturday night.
On those rare occasions when time seems to be on my side and I try to squeeze in some family time or a game night or just do some visiting, that means something usually doesn’t get done. Skipping a night of laundry to do something fun does not work. It just means that in the morning somebody will "have nothing to wear," and I’ll have twice as much to do tomorrow night. Delegate? Yeah right! Reward for helping? No money to pay with. Pitch a fit and make them help? They do the worst job possible just for spite, which leads to....well let’s not incriminate ourselves.
It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s taking its toll. Right now I don’t care if I get off the couch when I get home. I don’t want to; I don’t feel like it; get it yourself. We went to the beach for five days a couple weeks ago. I made it to the sand maybe four times, and actually got in the water all of twice. I did get to spend a lot of time with my family; however, it was not the physically and spiritually refreshing, regrouping vacation I was hoping for. I did a lot of sitting around, but not really resting. I actually wanted to be doing something. It just took too much effort.
Unfortunately, I feel like I do better when I have a full plate. It means I have to get out of bed every morning and make myself presentable for the world. When I try to prioritize and let go of things that are not essential to my spiritual and/or physical well-being - what do I let go of? I know the world won’t fall apart if I don’t do everything myself, but I don’t want to take any chances.
Let me clarify that this is not a pity party. This is not a case of simply feeling sorry for myself. God is very real to me right now. I have done my very best to put him first in everything I do. He has answered a lot prayers for me in the past week alone. I know I am blessed beyond measure, and I have things a lot better than a lot of people. There are just some things in my life that I can’t seem to get organized, or under control, or let loose, or kept the same, or changed, or whatever. Maybe I need help. Maybe this is normal. I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to ramble to try to sort this out and maybe get some new insight.
I feel like I need the equivalent of Super Nanny for time management. Somebody to come go through my day with me, see everything I do, then critique and tell me what I’m doing wrong and what needs to change. ‘Cause small changes don’t seem to be working for me. They are too close to not changing at all. I think I need to make major changes. Life-changing changes. I need help, but don’t know where to turn. Do I need a maid, a doctor, a child behavioral specialist, a psychiatrist? It all sounds so scary! I'm hoping for some advice from all you ladies (and gentlemen) who have this all figured out!
Thank you in advance.
The inspirational "help" books I’ve read say to get up earlier and spend time with God first. My spiritual side knows that if I do this, God will bless me and make it all work out. My flesh tells me if I get up any earlier I might as well not go to bed. And if I do try it, I will be so sleepy I will either doze off and end up being late, or I won’t be awake enough for it to do any good. The typical battle of flesh v. spirit.
Other so-called "help" books say to stay up and do it after putting the kids to bed. That would be great if my kids went to bed at 7:30! I get home from work 5:30 to 6:00, have supper done around 6:45, eat, clean up the kitchen, help with homework (during school months), wash/dry/fold/put up laundry, straighten up the main areas of the house, run to the store if we need milk before morning, and so on. My goal is to have the kids in the bed at 9:30, who knows what time they actually go to sleep. And, for you adult readers, I’m married (‘nuff said?). I’m always up way past the kids going to bed, which makes getting up earlier that much harder.
Just getting up, getting ready and making it out the door on time is a great accomplishment. The (first) alarm goes off at 5:00, the second at 5:30. On a good day, I get up then. If not, I’m at least up by 6. And it takes me an hour and a half to get ready - shower, coffee, makeup, hair, in that order. During school, throw in getting kids up and fed and out the door on time for school. Usually I leave home at 7:30, or 7:45 at the latest, to be at work at 8:00. Why on earth does it take so long? I’ve wondered that myself. I’ve tried to cut corners, find quicker ways of doing things, even skipping a step. All it does is leave me fidgety because I’m out of my routine. It ends up taking me longer to do less, plus leaves me feeling "undone" for the rest of the day. I’ve found a process that works, and I’m sticking to it. No apologies.
Setting aside a special day to take care of the big jobs, like cleaning, sounds like a good plan. I took a Saturday morning recently and did a quick (but good) dust, vacuum, sweep, clean bathrooms, get down cobwebs. Things looked good and I felt accomplished. That night - I see a cobweb hanging from the tv to the wall. Are you kidding me?!!! Why do I bother?!!! I know that was not there when I cleaned earlier because I got every possible and impossible place they could be. I got rid of that one and looked for any more I may have missed (or that had sprung up since that morning). I found several. So much for a leisurely Saturday night.
On those rare occasions when time seems to be on my side and I try to squeeze in some family time or a game night or just do some visiting, that means something usually doesn’t get done. Skipping a night of laundry to do something fun does not work. It just means that in the morning somebody will "have nothing to wear," and I’ll have twice as much to do tomorrow night. Delegate? Yeah right! Reward for helping? No money to pay with. Pitch a fit and make them help? They do the worst job possible just for spite, which leads to....well let’s not incriminate ourselves.
It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s taking its toll. Right now I don’t care if I get off the couch when I get home. I don’t want to; I don’t feel like it; get it yourself. We went to the beach for five days a couple weeks ago. I made it to the sand maybe four times, and actually got in the water all of twice. I did get to spend a lot of time with my family; however, it was not the physically and spiritually refreshing, regrouping vacation I was hoping for. I did a lot of sitting around, but not really resting. I actually wanted to be doing something. It just took too much effort.
Unfortunately, I feel like I do better when I have a full plate. It means I have to get out of bed every morning and make myself presentable for the world. When I try to prioritize and let go of things that are not essential to my spiritual and/or physical well-being - what do I let go of? I know the world won’t fall apart if I don’t do everything myself, but I don’t want to take any chances.
Let me clarify that this is not a pity party. This is not a case of simply feeling sorry for myself. God is very real to me right now. I have done my very best to put him first in everything I do. He has answered a lot prayers for me in the past week alone. I know I am blessed beyond measure, and I have things a lot better than a lot of people. There are just some things in my life that I can’t seem to get organized, or under control, or let loose, or kept the same, or changed, or whatever. Maybe I need help. Maybe this is normal. I don’t know. Maybe I just needed to ramble to try to sort this out and maybe get some new insight.
I feel like I need the equivalent of Super Nanny for time management. Somebody to come go through my day with me, see everything I do, then critique and tell me what I’m doing wrong and what needs to change. ‘Cause small changes don’t seem to be working for me. They are too close to not changing at all. I think I need to make major changes. Life-changing changes. I need help, but don’t know where to turn. Do I need a maid, a doctor, a child behavioral specialist, a psychiatrist? It all sounds so scary! I'm hoping for some advice from all you ladies (and gentlemen) who have this all figured out!
Thank you in advance.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Surf's Up, Dude!
When we told Dylan we were going to the beach for vacation
this year, all he wanted to do was buy a board and catch some waves. I tried to explain to him that you don’t get
real surfing-type waves at Gulf Shores, but he was determined to ride
them. He finally conceded to skimming
over the shallow water on a boogie board.
Now that was his mission.
I know I have been to the beach several times in my life, but I really only remember the last trip, summer of 2009, and I was ready to go again. Floating on the waves during that trip was so relaxing and spiritual. I felt a connection with God there like I had not felt anywhere else. Thoughts about being out so far your feet don’t touch the bottom and you have to depend on your float to hold you up and carry you back to the shore. When my feet couldn’t touch, I did not have control of where I went. I just had to ride the waves to wherever they took me. That was the lesson I needed then.
So this trip I was looking for another spiritual awakening. Surely there’s another lesson on those waves, maybe even a good blog post (since I haven’t written anything in a while). Teaching the boys how to swim out and ride the waves back in. To not panic and just enjoy the ride. And when you land on the shore, just walk back to our spot on the beach. No big deal. Or maybe watching them learn to ride those boogie boards. I have no expertise in that area (surprise, surprise), and they could watch those who seem to know what they’re doing and get some pointers from them. Teaching them to respect other people’s property. Very few places you can actually just leave all your stuff laying in a pile under a tent for days at a time and nobody bother it. And even if they do borrow the little plastic shovel and bucket, they bring it back. Buy if they didn’t, there’s no hard feelings anywhere. Can’t even get that kind of peace in my own yard at home.
So I was looking for inspiration in everybody else’s circumstances, but I never thought I would get another lesson while doing the exact same thing as before, riding the waves. I was determined to paddle myself out into the deeper water, where my feet don’t touch the ground, and just lean back and relax. I pointed my float in the direction I wanted to go, paddled my arms, kicked my feet. Nothing. Still in the same spot. Hmm. That’s odd. I tried again. Same thing. Now this is getting embarrassing, and I’m getting a little tired. “Try one more time,” my mind told me. This time it seemed like the water was helping me. It felt like something under the water was pulling me out further and further. “Alright!” I thought. “Maybe I’ll finally get somewhere and I can enjoy myself out here like last time.” But a little ways out, I realized what was happening. Whatever was under the water pulling me out, was making the deep water deeper. It was feeding the swell that would become the next big wave. All of a sudden, I was lifted and moved. I thought I had landed back where I started, but I was actually closer to the shore than when I started.
So what lesson did I learn? Be careful of those currents under the surface you can’t see. They may appear to be helping you get where you want to go, but in reality they are only helping to grow something far bigger than you. Something that will send you crashing back to the shore. There to find comfort in your beach chair, shelter under a tent, and safety in the arms of your beach towel – I mean God.
I know I have been to the beach several times in my life, but I really only remember the last trip, summer of 2009, and I was ready to go again. Floating on the waves during that trip was so relaxing and spiritual. I felt a connection with God there like I had not felt anywhere else. Thoughts about being out so far your feet don’t touch the bottom and you have to depend on your float to hold you up and carry you back to the shore. When my feet couldn’t touch, I did not have control of where I went. I just had to ride the waves to wherever they took me. That was the lesson I needed then.
So this trip I was looking for another spiritual awakening. Surely there’s another lesson on those waves, maybe even a good blog post (since I haven’t written anything in a while). Teaching the boys how to swim out and ride the waves back in. To not panic and just enjoy the ride. And when you land on the shore, just walk back to our spot on the beach. No big deal. Or maybe watching them learn to ride those boogie boards. I have no expertise in that area (surprise, surprise), and they could watch those who seem to know what they’re doing and get some pointers from them. Teaching them to respect other people’s property. Very few places you can actually just leave all your stuff laying in a pile under a tent for days at a time and nobody bother it. And even if they do borrow the little plastic shovel and bucket, they bring it back. Buy if they didn’t, there’s no hard feelings anywhere. Can’t even get that kind of peace in my own yard at home.
So I was looking for inspiration in everybody else’s circumstances, but I never thought I would get another lesson while doing the exact same thing as before, riding the waves. I was determined to paddle myself out into the deeper water, where my feet don’t touch the ground, and just lean back and relax. I pointed my float in the direction I wanted to go, paddled my arms, kicked my feet. Nothing. Still in the same spot. Hmm. That’s odd. I tried again. Same thing. Now this is getting embarrassing, and I’m getting a little tired. “Try one more time,” my mind told me. This time it seemed like the water was helping me. It felt like something under the water was pulling me out further and further. “Alright!” I thought. “Maybe I’ll finally get somewhere and I can enjoy myself out here like last time.” But a little ways out, I realized what was happening. Whatever was under the water pulling me out, was making the deep water deeper. It was feeding the swell that would become the next big wave. All of a sudden, I was lifted and moved. I thought I had landed back where I started, but I was actually closer to the shore than when I started.
So what lesson did I learn? Be careful of those currents under the surface you can’t see. They may appear to be helping you get where you want to go, but in reality they are only helping to grow something far bigger than you. Something that will send you crashing back to the shore. There to find comfort in your beach chair, shelter under a tent, and safety in the arms of your beach towel – I mean God.
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