Where were you Saturday?! I had a party and nobody came! Ok, truth be told, it was a pity party, and you would not have enjoyed it. It was no fun. Three weeks of big bills and no "extra" money can make a girl blue. That was me. No full tank of gas to waste this week, just what I need. No big trip to Wal-mart for a full grocery buying experience, just a quick run to the Dollar Store and Foodland for the essentials. I had to keep reminding myself, "I’m Blessed!" But didn’t God know and understand that we NEED all that other stuff?!
Blessed? You bet! Spoiled? Maybe a little. The kids don’t have to have three boxes of cereal and waffles and pancakes to choose from for breakfast. We don’t have to have a different meal for supper every night. (We’ll be having beans, cornbread and fried potatoes every night this week. If you want to stop by about 6:30, you’re welcome to join us - just let me know ahead of time so I make sure to have plenty.) The slightest thing was starting to get to me. I was accomplishing nothing on my to-do list. My mind wouldn’t rest for trying to figure out how to make it all work. I tried to pop some popcorn, it burned. Went to pour myself a glass of tea, somebody had drank it all. I was sure I’d feel better if I could just make it to read some scriptures or a devotional book. But first I had to hand wash all those dishes. Finally, I just cried into the dishwater. That’s when God started talking to me - or, rather, when I started listening.
I went to my youngest son and apologized for snapping at him earlier, especially in front of his friends. I finished cleaning up the kitchen, tidied up the living room, folded some laundry and put more to washing. I made a loaf of cinnamon bread (anything to get rid of that burned popcorn smell!) I took a look at my checkbook and made a mental note that if I played it just right, we’d make it (not that we wouldn’t have anyway, but it made me feel better to see it in writing).
Then I retreated to my bathroom, ran some water, sat on the edge of the tub and put my feet in, and began reading my Sunday School lesson for the week. John 6:27 - "Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you..." Verse 35 - "And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst." Of course there were other verses in the lesson, and the writer’s commentary really hit home. I had taken my focus off the bread that really mattered, the bread that God provides me with daily. I was more worried about the literal bread that I didn’t have.
As I finished my home pedicure (which I actually wasn’t doing out of necessity, but because that’s my "girl time"), I continued to pray and think, and God continued to listen and respond. I prayed that all the discontentment, all the disappointment I felt toward myself and the things I had failed to do today, would be forgiven and taken from me. After all, tomorrow is Sunday. The Lord’s day. He deserves none of my bitterness. Only my praise. That's all I wanted to carry with me.
So if I ever invite you to one of my pity parties, feel free to not show up. Only one guest is truly needed. He is my best friend and He understands me like nobody else does. It's my party, and if I want to cry, He's ok with that.
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