Right On Time

     Several months ago I had the privilege of giving devotion at a ladies’ retreat. At the time I believe I did what God wanted me to do, but I have never felt completely satisfied with it. Like something was missing. Like I didn’t give the full story or get my whole point across. Well, last night as I was doing some reading, I got it. The "other half" of that devotion. It came to me plain as day, word for word, the prologue to my story:
     "Have you ever felt overwhelmed? Your brain always going over and over the list of things you need to remember? The list you have written down of things you need to do today, this week, some time this month, or just whenever you can get to it, well it just gets longer and longer. As soon as you take time to clean out that closet, then you have to pack up what you’re giving away, find somewhere to store it until you can find a place to take it, load it up, haul it off. Mark one thing off, add four. That’s where I was.
     I had prayed for God to show me something He wanted me to do. Get me out of my comfort zone.  The next thing I know, I’m trying to build a Mary Kay business, believing God had opened that door as a way for me to witness to women I otherwise would never have a chance to talk to. I realized I loved to write, and so found myself writing my church’s article for our district's monthly publication. I also took on the job of putting out the church’s "weekly" bulletin (which I was actually only getting out once a month). I had a lot of plates spinning, and no clue how to let one fall. I prayed daily for God to help me get my priorities straight.
     One particular Wednesday evening, we had moved our church services to a sister church since our pastor was helping them in revival that week. I was just a little late. This had become my normal because I seemed to be working late more and more (not so much too busy as lack of time management). By the time I got there, the place was standing room only. So I quietly scanned the room for a familiar face, and I found one in the back corner. There was one seat left on her pew, and she gladly welcomed me. I sat through the service, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what the sermon was about. All I could think about were the stops I would need to make on my way home and all that awaited me once I got there. Even while I tried to worship, again I could only ask for guidance.
     I heard Him plainly tell me I needed to go to the altar and pray, not just sit in my seat. But when the time came, I put Him off. "Lord, I don’t want to prolong the service. I really need to get home. You know what all I have to do." But it was almost like He was standing at the front of the church saying, "If you want your answer, come to me." (Looking back now, it reminds me of what we do when our children are young. You tell them to "come here;" they stand there and just look at you as if to say, "Why? You can just as easily come to me, or tell me from where you are." So we go get them and bring them to where we want them to be.) So anyway, back to my story... I kept thinking, if they’d sing one more verse I’d go to the altar. They sang the chorus three extra times, and I didn’t move. Finally they stopped singing, and I thought I was off the hook. Then the preacher turns and says, "No, we need to sing one more verse." Are you kidding me! Fine, I’ll go! And I went. I cried like I hadn’t cried in a long time. All my pent-up frustration at myself and my situation just came pouring out. I knew when I got up that God would show me exactly what I needed to change, and I now had the clear vision to see it. There was light at the end of the tunnel.
     As I made my way back to my seat and the service ended, my friend came to me, the first words spoken to me after I got up from the altar - "Would you like to do devotion at the ladies’ retreat this year?" "Yes! I’d love to!" But when I got to the car, I had to question God. "I asked you to show me what I could stop doing, and you give me one more thing to do? I don’t get it!"
     I figured I was just supposed to be a busy person. That was my lot in life, what God wanted from me. I was to get things done. Okay then. Over the next few months things did ease up though. Priorities fell into place at home and at work - God first, Family second, Career third.  My Mary Kay business settled at a level I could live with. And with an extra driver in the house, I could trust him to handle the small errands. Unfortunately, the church bulletin did get dropped, but mainly because my printer ran out of ink and my home computer crashed.
     All this led to the devotion I wrote about in "My Basket of Leftovers" post back in March. I was that loaf of bread. I knew God had a purpose for me, and I was comfortable just getting to dabble in it. But when He called me to do that "big thing," he had to pull me apart to accomplish His purpose. Why all this came to me so clearly six months after I needed it, I’ll never know. Maybe that was just the beginning of something bigger He has in store for me.  Maybe this will reach more people now than it would have then.  One thing I do know - God's timing is always perfect.